Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Bike Safety (elite nationals race report on the way)

My race report on elite nationals which took place in Tuscaloosa, AL over the wkd is ON THE WAY. CHILL OUT.

I'm following my typical post-race schedule which involves a few light days with a Costco trip thrown in the mix due to the extra LJ time. SNOW (owner/driver of SNOWTAXI--contact me if you're in the DC area and interested in a SNOWTOUR) and I are coordinating logistics for tonight's costco trip, or 'slutco' as some of you would correctly assume we call it. Tentatively, from work I will bike to Hains Point w/ backpack (loaded with empty tupperwear, work clothes, this morning's swim stuff and blank checks for Costco purchases) to meet Snow (ON TIME) who will pick up said bag, and meet me at Costco roughly 1:40 later. I will SOMEHOW navigate a labyrinth of new-to-me pedestrian paths in Northern Virginia and hopefully arrive at COSTCO where I will meet SNOW (ON TIME).

SNOW prompts a Lindsey/Lauren tirade on bike safety after suggesting we "lock down LJ bike before entering Slutco" on SNOWTAXI roof.

Lindsey: Would you leave your cervelo on a roof rack? with your race wheels on*?
Lauren: hell freaking NO
Lindsey: exactly
that's the response I was looking for
Lauren: race wheels - 1800
cervelo - 4000
srm stuff - 1500
Lauren: YESSSS
Lindsey: even if the frame is locked down, the rear wheel with PowerTap is NOT
Lauren: yeah those can just be stripped off the bike quickly if peeps know what they are
looking for!
Lindsey: lollllll THAT'S what people are looking for in slutco parking lot
Lauren: hahahah. i know
peeps don't know the difference between a huffy and a TREK TTX at costco
Lindsey: or that the bike sitting atop SNOWTAXI is worth twice as much as the car
Lauren: LOL
Lindsey: hell, I am preventing SNOW from car theft
Lauren: YES...an expensive bike is a GREAT car alarm... it encourages only BIKE theft..as in they take the bike but not the car. only good for cheap cars though, if we are talking porsche carrera with P3 on top with powertap wheel, they'd take the whole shebang
Lauren: bonus bike. haha

LESSON: don't leave bike 'securely locked' to the top of the car while Costco shopping--stick it in the trunk. Only AFTER Costco purchases are made can the bike be stored on the roof rack for the trip home as there will be NO SPACE in trunk for the bike. You just went to freakin COSTCO.

*my powertap is in my race wheel so for TRAINING purposes I MUST train on the rear race wheel


  1. I don't get it - so did you get your bike stolen? Ha. I can't believe Snow picks up your stuff, waits 100 minutes and then meets you, takes you to Costco, etc.

    BTW, is it Slutco because you have to earn your ride there?

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  3. Couple of geniuses. This is just stupid.
    (licensed TM of dudethatsjuststupid.blogspot.com)


    1) When I said, "lock down LJ bike before entering Slutco," I did not mention locking said TTX down on SNOWTAXI roof. Nay, I meant that we would lock it down using a fine chain with a rotating combination lock, like this one.

    Maybe lock it to a light pole, even a crosswalk sign. Figured it'd do the trick, right? LJ took my words and turned 'em around. Lock it to SNOWTAXI roof and risk the damage to the Red Reindeer's roof rack that would ensue from a TTX theft attempt? Poppycock. I'll be damned if I risk that for a trip to SLUTCO.

    2) Although SNOW did go out of his way to hook up the voraciously sarfilicious tri-vixen LJ, the bag pickup was nothing special. It was right on the way home from the Navy Yard. Additionally, the SLUTCO is only 5 minutes from the IGLOO (SNOW pad), so coming back down to the SLUTCO to toss the TTX against the light pole and wander into the store with the spandex-clad LJ was no big effort. Hardest part of the deal is handling the mood swings of a hungry, tired sloot.

    3) SNOW awaiting SLUTCO jackpot payoff. In the meantime, free use of the LJ slutcard is payment enough, along with the occasional LJ freebie like a pink lady apple or frozen brick of French onion soup, or even a freshly cooked post-workout egg-bomb. This is sounding plainly pathetic.

    4) The Red Reindeer is one bad automobile. Impugn it at your risk! It's a SLAM-DUNK for getting things (LJ, SLUTCO purchases, multiple bikes, aquaria, bookshelves, windsurfers, KLIMs) to and fro in the BalWash region.

    RM: per the RED FOX, you need to come do stand-up comedy at 1MT2 (not really sure if I get how this would happen). Hope your recovery is going well.

    Good times!

  4. have you all ever thought of putting Huffy Decals on your bike before a race as a strategic move against your competitors?